|March 25, 2017|
IJMC - The Final From Hell
The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC) was a popular humor mailing list. Just about every day you would get a funny story in your mailbox.
It started on March 13, 1995, and the last issue was on August 26, 2001. I subscribed on July 6, 1995.
This is a sample entry from April 9, 1997:
IJMC - The Final From Hell
I am almost certain that this is a rerun for the IJMC. But I can't find it anywhere in the archives so I'm sending it anyway. Hopefully most of you haven't seen it yet. Also, if anyone passes it, see me for a job. I don't know how I'll pay you but I know I couldn't afford not to! -dave
FINAL FROM HELL.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the difference in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years prior with special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
Health: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected.
Languages: 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and represented frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Apfrodisias, Parnses II, Gregory of Micea and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotes from each man's work. Translation is not necessary.
Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Business Policy: Define business. Define policy. How are they related and why?
Management: Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals each terminal to activate your algorithm; design the communciations interface and control programs.
Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk, the instruction manual printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate.
Poli Sci: There is a red telephone on your desk. Start World War III. Report at length on it's socio-political effects, if any.
Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace possible effects to the following areas: Cubism, the Donati controversy, the wave theory of light. Devise a method for preventing these effects. Criticize from all possible points of view.
Logic: Take a stand for or against the truth. Prove validity of your position.
Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate significance. Compare with development of any other kind of thought.
General Knowledge: Describe all you know in detail. Be both objective and specific.
Yet Another E-Mail Sent By The International Junk Mail Clearinghouse (IJMC). Unless otherwise specified, distribute freely. All questions, comments, submissions and requests should be directed to Dave at email@example.com IJMC Mailings - email firstname.lastname@example.org with "info ijmc-l" in body IJMC WebPage - http://www.ijmc.com This is Mac. \\|//// He wants to travel the world. ( O O ) Please add him to your .sig and help him. ---oOOo--U--oOOo---
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